Burning out and questioning

I’ve found that I’m burning out too fast. I’m like that fire you try to start and it might go for all of two seconds, but then it’s gone. I get this short burst of “I can do this!” and then I’m already waiting for the end. I can’t seem to figure out how to truly get that passion going inside me like it used to. I wonder if it really was ever there. Has that happened to you before? It’s not the first time for me.

I know, I’m in my early twenties and you’re thinking, “Kid, you don’t know anything yet.” But I’m an old soul at heart. I’ve never really been one for going out all the time, or wanting to be in crowds of people. What I really enjoy is being in bed by nine o’clock, maybe ten. For most people in their early twenties that does not sound like fun. Most want to go out, have a drink, see movies, live it up! What is living it up?

For me, I want to do something that means something, but I want to truly be passionate about something and strive to succeed in it. I don’t want to burn out after a couple days, or even weeks. I never even got started! It sounds like I wasn’t even passionate about it in the first place.

My problem is that I have too many problems. Pretty much. But really, my problem is that I want the end product. I want it and I want it now. I don’t like the middle stuff, all the hard stuff. I just want to have the beautiful masterpiece that I can be satisfied with. But the problem that has now overruled the first problem is that I don’t even know what it is I’m passionate about to even get burned out over. I don’t know what it is I want to try.

I know I’m not the only person like this, and I sound like every other college student my age. But to have some insight on what I really want to do would be nice. Now, I know, we don’t know the finished product that God has planned, but don’t we normally know a little bit of what He wants us to do? Or are we searching the radio for the perfect channel, land on one we think we love, and it turns out it’s not the perfect channel for us?

I’m always the one that questions everything. I’m sure you couldn’t tell…at all. It’s another one of my problems. You see what I’m talking about now? Sometimes I’m so sure on something though, and it turns out I’m right. For the most part though, I haven’t been sure on anything in quite awhile. Whenever someone asks me what I’m going to do when I graduate it always seems to change. About every third or fourth person gets the same answer as the third or fourth previous person who asked. Lately I’ve resigned to say, “I don’t know.”

I don’t even have a specific major anymore. Other students I know are double majoring, majoring and minoring, or just a major. I’m majorly lost! I suppose you could say, major-less, though. Either one works.

Sometimes I feel alone on these things, or on things in general. I know I’m not the only one wondering what they’re supposed to be doing. When I’m kind of close to graduating, I feel like I should know what I should be doing after graduation by now. Shouldn’t I? I hope you’re not as lost as I am.

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